1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,320 Why are you taking a can opener? 2 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,040 You're supposed to roll stuff. 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,680 I'll just climb on top of it. Be careful! 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,320 Robin! Robin! Oh, God, God! 5 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,880 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, Robin! 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,320 Someone get him out, please. 7 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,120 Rachel, help me! Well, help you how? 8 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,000 Lower me into the pool! What? 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,280 Just get in at the shallow end. 10 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,040 Yeah. Yeah, that's a better idea. Yeah. 11 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,640 And ask your father about the Maltese health care system. 12 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,360 Yeah. Why would that help? Well, just in case we have to pay. 13 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,280 We're still taking him to hospital, you stingy git. 14 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,760 It's just going to voicemail. Do something, Sam! 15 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,840 I am doing something, I'm filming. 16 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,800 No, do something helpful, get Robin some ice. 17 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,680 Or get me some wine. Robin? Ugh... 18 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,440 Oh, good, he's groaning. He's groaning. 19 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,560 Robin, mate, are you OK? I fell in the pool. I know you did, buddy. 20 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,600 Aw, Robin. Aw. 21 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,280 OK, realise this is going to make me sound quite selfish, 22 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,560 but I'm off out. Oh, very helpful. Thank you, Amy. 23 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,480 And medical treatment is free for UK tourists here, by the way. 24 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,200 Thank you. Can someone call an ambulance, please? 25 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,920 Oh, NOW we're calling an ambulance. 26 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,040 Yeah. And, Rachel, I need a hoist. What? 27 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,280 Can you find a rope or some strong string to get him out of here? 28 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,280 What are you talking...? What is your plan? 29 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,600 Just take him to the shallow end, where there are steps. Right. 30 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,520 Wow. OK, well, help me lift him, then. 31 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,160 Well, I can't, I'm phoning for an ambulance. Exactly. 32 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,840 Sam, please, can you put the camera down 33 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,200 and help your dad? Do something. 34 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,880 Really? Get in the pool, Sam! 35 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,480 All right, fine. Now! Ugh, honestly, this holiday. 36 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,880 Look at it. Wow. It's lovely. Yeah. 37 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,040 Can you not put a hanky at the back of your hat, please? 38 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,480 You look like such a tourist. It's a bad look! 39 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,520 Yeah, you look rubbish. All right. 40 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,960 My skin is highly flammable. 41 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,160 Flammable? Burnable. 42 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,680 I burn like billyo if I'm not careful. 43 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,880 So, you know, if we see anyone selling a sombrero or something. 44 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:52,040 Oh, no, please do not wear a sombrero. You're not on a stag. 45 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,640 Or Mexican, crucially. 46 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,720 Ooh, guys! Malta's got two Caravaggios. 47 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,760 Ah, wicked. We ate at the one in Cambridge, didn't we, babe? 48 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,800 Well, that was Carluccio's. What's this one? 49 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,400 Caravaggio. Yeah, he's an artist, not a restaurant. 50 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,560 Oh, yeah. The cathedral has his The Beheading Of Saint John, 51 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,000 if you want to see that! No, I don't want to see that, 52 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,560 why would I want to see that? Sounds like an Isis video. 53 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,560 OK, well, we should definitely check out the hypogeum, guys. 54 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,960 That looks slay. 55 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,880 What? What is that? It's a Neolithic burial chamber. 56 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,840 I mean, what are you talking about, man? A chamber? 57 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,040 Some kids went missing there in the 1940s. 58 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,440 We have very different ideas about how to do holidays, Paul. 59 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,800 Yeah, we are not going to complete the guidebook, OK? 60 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,680 The only old thing we're here to see is my dad. 61 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,520 All right, I just thought we could explore the history a bit. 62 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,520 No, thanks! I just want to veg by the pool and empty my head. 63 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,800 Shouldn't be too difficult. Yeah! Exactly, me too. 64 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,360 Yeah, well deserved. Amy. Take a well-earned break from 65 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,240 the busy schedule of not doing anything! 66 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,360 Well, I hope Dad hasn't planned anything. 67 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,440 Well, of course he won't have, Robin. 68 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,600 I mean, since when did he ever plan anything or think of others? 69 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,840 Oh, my God, where is this road? What's it called? 70 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:06,360 OK, so, everybody, please look for Triq Ix-Xemxija. 71 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,720 It's "Ish-Shemshiya." Yeah. 72 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,200 Soft X, like how Sean Connery would say it. OK, that hasn't helped. 73 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,080 It should be here. 74 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,360 Ugh. 75 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,840 Maybe it's down there? Oh, well done, Sam. 76 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,640 Well, we can all say, "maybe it's down there." 77 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:22,200 Maybe it's down there! All right, Mum, don't take it out on Sam. 78 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,560 Oh, God! Sorry. Sorry, Sam. 79 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,080 We'll try this way, shall we, babe? 80 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,080 Yes, you try that way. OK. 81 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,080 Everything all right? I think it's... Yeah, sorry. 82 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:34,120 I'm just, uh, stressed about seeing my dad. 83 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,680 Why are YOU stressed? I'm the one he's mean to. 84 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,080 He's not mean, he just winds you up. The last time we saw him, Amy, 85 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,640 he called me a wally. Yeah. 86 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,720 I'm going to talk to him. I've decided. 87 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,760 Well, we're staying with him, of course you're going to. 88 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:51,800 No, I mean about my childhood, about him being a bad dad. 89 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,640 Oh, right. Yeah. Mmm. 90 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,360 Are you sure? My tutor thinks I'm carrying some baggage. 91 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,800 Well, yeah! 92 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,640 Some metaphorical baggage, which I need to deal with 93 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,360 before becoming a counsellor. I mean, he wasn't a bad dad, was he? 94 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,120 I mean, you turned out all right. Well, he once forgot to pick up 95 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,800 Robin from a football tournament for five hours. To you, though. 96 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,080 Yeah, and he once sold Robin's bike without telling him 97 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,160 because he needed some money. To you, though, Mum. 98 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,720 And he was also not great to me. Not great in what way? 99 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,000 Well... 100 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,840 ..I can't think of any specific examples but... Right. 101 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,320 Rach! Yes? 102 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,240 Ish-Shamshishmish, down here. Bingo! Yeah! 103 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,800 Well done, Robin. I thank you. Great. 104 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,000 It's big, innit? It's huge. Really lovely. I'll, ah... 105 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,640 KNOCKING 106 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,560 How can he afford this? Wowee! I know. 107 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,280 David Wowee. 108 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:36,520 Isn't it? No? 109 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,000 KNOCKING 110 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,240 Let us in! Ha-ha. 111 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,200 Dad! Where is he? 112 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,520 Dad? 113 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,880 Bang harder. 114 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,920 Open up! THEY LAUGH 115 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,120 It's the police! Oh, my God, get over it. 116 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,680 Is he...? Nothing? Dad?! Where is he? 117 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,320 Well, have we got the right place? He might be round the back. 118 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,600 I hope so, I don't know. Oh. 119 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,080 Blinds are down. 120 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,200 I'll give him a call. Any lights on? Hang on, he's texted. 121 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,760 Oh, yeah? "What time do you get in, I'll be back at three." 122 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,560 What time is it now? 9:30. That's, like, ten hours! All right. 123 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,320 What are we going to do for all that time? There's lots to see. 124 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,920 Typical. This is absolutely bloody typical. 125 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,200 I told him. I told him we arrived this morning, so... 126 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,880 Bwah-ha-ha! Argh! LAUGHTER 127 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:20,000 Oh, Dad, that is classic! Gotcha! 128 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,320 I'm just teasing. Malteasing. 129 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,680 Welcome to Malta. 130 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,000 Oh, that is brilliant, that is! Yeah, jokes. Great jokes. Is it? 131 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,000 It's just lying. Oh, look at... Look at your face! 132 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,880 Look. You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you, Rachel? 133 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,040 No, I didn't, actually, I didn't. Nice to see you. 134 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,240 Hi, Grandad. Oh, my God, Amy, look at you. 135 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,320 You're an absolute sexpot. She's your granddaughter. 136 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,200 You working are you? Or studying or...? No. 137 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,640 And also no. 138 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,200 Just no. Nothing. Just like me, then? 139 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,880 Yeah. Oh, and there's the lovely Cherry. 140 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,160 Oh-ho-ho! Looking stunning as ever. 141 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,560 Oh, stop it, you dirty old man! 142 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,040 THEY CACKLE 143 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,920 Yeah. And Porky, Porky the Pig, there he is. What? 144 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,640 Yeah, the policeman. Oh! 145 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,280 Very glad I left England if this is the sort of dross 146 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,040 they're taking on the force. Very good, very good. 147 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,440 ROBIN LAUGHS AND OINKS 148 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,840 So, where's that gorgeous mother of yours? 149 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,880 Oh, well, yeah, sorry, Michael, she decided to stay at home 150 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,080 and rewatch all 70 episodes of Poirot. 151 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,040 Oh. That's if she can figure out how to turn the telly on without us! 152 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,280 Fair do's, fair do's. Calm down. 153 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,040 Right, well, where's the boy, then, Robin? 154 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,160 He's sleeping at the moment. That's the way I like 'em! 155 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,720 Now, that's called a baby, Dad. 156 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,360 You might remember Mum mentioning them. 157 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,560 I did my fair share, Rachel, thank you. I looked after you, 158 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,360 looked after both of you. At times. 159 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,560 I don't remember that. No. 160 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,760 Oh! Yeah. Look at him! I know. 161 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,840 My first grandson. Yeah. Um... 162 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,720 And there's also Sam. Yeah. Oh, well, after Sam, yeah. 163 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,040 You all right, mate? Yeah. Hi, Grandad. 164 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,920 You sort of forget he's there sometimes, don't you? Yeah. 165 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,000 You do, yeah. I mean, I don't, but... 166 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,400 So how come you moved here, Dad? 167 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,120 I thought you liked it in France. Yeah, we did, yeah, but... 168 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,520 Well, France was just a bit too French, you know, 169 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,240 after a while, with the language and everything. 170 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,760 So they spoke French. That was your problem with France, was it? 171 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,680 Yeah, but everyone speaks English here. It's fantastic. 172 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,520 And the tax arrangements are fit as. 173 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,680 Aha. Right, come on through. 174 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,840 Anyone want a Maltese lager? Er, or a coffee, as it's 9:30. 175 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:22,360 I want to see the pool. Ah, yeah. Now...about that. 176 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,440 Ah. OK. I mean... Mm. 177 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,360 Because you said you had a pool. 178 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,720 I have, I've got an infinity pool. You're looking at it. 179 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,960 With water in, though. Water, I don't have, currently. 180 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:37,120 It's not really a pool, then, is it? It's just a hole. 181 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,400 An infinity hole. Ha-ha! 182 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,680 Can we not fill it up? No, it leaks. It's a leaker. 183 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,120 OK. Well, this is fine. Uh, is it? 184 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,200 Yeah, we can still, you know, sit around it. 185 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,240 Well, I wasn't going to swim anyway. Well, there you go, perfect. 186 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:54,200 Perfect? I don't think three days sat by an empty pool is perfect. 187 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,880 We're not just going to stay here, mate. 188 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,120 You know, there's plenty to do. 189 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,400 BABY FUSSES 190 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,920 Oh, God. That is all I need. 191 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,920 Where's a good place to feed the baby, Michael? 192 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,280 In the mouth, traditionally. MICHAEL AND ROBIN LAUGH 193 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,560 No, anywhere you like, my love. 194 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,880 All right, thanks. In the mouth! I love that. 195 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:13,160 I meant to ask about the attractions, actually, Michael. 196 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,920 Yeah? What are the best Neolithic temples to see, do you think? 197 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,000 Are there temples, are there? Are there temples?! 198 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,480 Yeah, there are temples. They're older than Stonehenge! 199 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,040 No?! You're joking? Yeah, there's at least 19 of them. 200 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,640 Oh, my God, 19? Yeah, the remnants of an ancient civilisation, 201 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,840 some say. Ah? It's... 202 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,200 Oh, you're taking the piss, aren't you? I am, yeah. 203 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,560 LAUGHTER 204 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,680 You can see 'em on your tod, I think, Porky. 205 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,040 Splash on the old Dulux and waddle down there. 206 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,680 Do you want a coffee, Rach? Just ignore him. 207 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,880 Yeah, I will. Yeah, yeah. Here you are. Oh, wow, OK. 208 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,520 Bought that for yourself, did you, Dad? Ah, no, I think Robin 209 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,400 got that for me. Surely not. Could be, yeah, back in the day. 210 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,960 Or maybe it was one of my other kids you two don't know about. 211 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,000 Is that a joke? I mean, I don't know. 212 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,800 So what other stuff is there to do then, Grandad, in Malta? 213 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,600 Oh, well, now, hey-hey. 214 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,160 Hmm, for one thing, yeah. Drinking. 215 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,920 And there's a fantastic ice cream place, 216 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,680 and there's a restaurant that does swordfish. 217 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:06,080 OK. Because I would like to go for a walk at some point. 218 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,640 Oh, yeah. There are walks, yeah. And bike rides... 219 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:13,040 With you, I mean. ..diving, and the aquarium ain't too shabby, actually. 220 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,720 OK. Diving? As in scuba diving? 221 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,440 Yeah. Oh, I've always wanted to do that! 222 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,640 Hell, yes, that would be awesome. To talk... 223 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,840 Well, I'll give 'em a call. You know, dive, dive, dive! 224 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,040 Yes! Woohoo! 225 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,560 OK, I'll try later. Parp! 226 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,480 Oh, there's a frog in the pool. 227 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,560 Wow. 228 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:36,120 You don't need that much, surely? I need to cover everything, Cherry. 229 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,600 Weather like this, I just... I honestly wish I could just wear... 230 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,840 ..a burqa. What? Yeah, YOU can't do that. Yeah, I know I can't! 231 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,720 Is my nape covered, Rach? 232 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,960 Can you cream up my nape? It's my Achilles heel. 233 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,960 Just put the peak at the back and then do your face. 234 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,520 Oh, yeah. Good thinking. 235 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,120 You're not diving then, Sam? 236 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,560 Nah, I'll probably just go to the aquarium. 237 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,800 Same thing, innit? But...drier. 238 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,840 Well, I am going to stroll to the hypogeum/Tarxien temple, 239 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,280 if anyone wants in? Should be fascinating. 240 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,840 No, thanks. Is it just a load of old rocks? 241 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,120 Yeah, well, you could say that about 242 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,560 any Neolithic temple complex, Cherry. You know, 243 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,520 the rocks are arranged into chambers. 244 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,920 Oh, my God, can you stop banging on about chambers, mate? 245 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,760 No-one wants to go into a chamber. PHONE BUZZES 246 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,920 Hang on. 247 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,640 Hello, Mum? 248 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,520 Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me? 249 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,640 Yeah... Well, which remote control, Mum? 250 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,640 They're all black, Mum. 251 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,560 They all have numbers, Mum. 252 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,680 OK. Amy and Robin? Yo! 253 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,720 Oh, someone's up for it. I am, yeah. 254 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,800 My name's Ruby, I'll be your pilot this afternoon. 255 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,160 Do you want your briefing in English or Maltese? 256 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,800 English, please. I'm just kidding. 257 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,680 I've been here six years, I know literally one word of Maltese. 258 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,240 How are you doing with your kit? It's very tight. 259 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,480 Oh, yeah - and please, please don't wee into the wet suits 260 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,480 when we're in the pool. Or, obviously, at any other time. 261 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,600 Ah. What do you mean, ah? Have you done it already? 262 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,560 Can you tell by looking? No. No, then I haven't, then. 263 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,720 But I did have a question, though. Do we get a harpoon? 264 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,280 No, you don't get a harpoon. 265 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,680 OK, follow-up question - are there sharks? 266 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:09,840 Not in the pool, no. 267 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,360 What do you mean, pool? Why do you keep...? 268 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,040 We want to dive in the sea. Yeah, sorry, newbies have to 269 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,680 do an intro dive in the pool. Oh. Oh, what, really? 270 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,760 That little pecker? Diving in a pool? 271 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,880 That's like skydiving off a ladder, it's a waste of money. 272 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,200 I mean, that is just so shit. That's rubbish. 273 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,720 No, it's not shit, it's actually very fun. 274 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,560 Oh, come off it, mate. It's as boring as a book! 275 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,600 Can we not dive in the sea? Come on, please. 276 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,680 It's an insurance thing, I can't really... 277 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,720 They've done it before, diving. Yeah, they're not newbies. 278 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,720 Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They dived, uh, 279 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,280 on our last family holiday in, um, in Nepal. Yep. 280 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,240 Landlocked Nepal? Oh, no, not Nepal, no. 281 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,440 The other one. Um, what was it...? 282 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,320 Um... China...? Yeah, Thailand, that's it? 283 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,240 Thailand. Yeah, they know what they're doing. 284 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,760 OK. Well, if you want to sign a waiver and just, like, 285 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,360 go for it, I'd be happy to do that. 286 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,600 I mean, the pool is extremely boring. 287 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,280 OK, great. Yeah, they'll do that, won't you? Great. 288 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,400 Yes. Nice one, Dad. Yeah, sorry, I'm not sure 289 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,720 you should lie about having dived before, guys. 290 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,800 Yeah, but they've got to go in the sea, though, 291 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,920 that's the whole point. Exactly. Yeah, obviously. 292 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,680 You give the fun police an inch and they make you do 293 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,240 a risk assessment before wiping your arse. Oh-ho-ho! 294 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,400 OK, all right. Well, I'm off to see the temples if anyone wants to join? 295 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,920 No.Still no. Or cares? No. See you later. 296 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,600 Cool. Bye, Dad. 297 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,280 Um, so, yeah... Um, we'll go for a walk, then, shall we? 298 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,280 Oh, no, I'm having a massage. 299 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,520 A massage? Yeah. You're having a massage? Today? 300 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,480 The one weekend when your family is staying with you, 301 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,440 you're having a massage. My shoulders are in knots. 302 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,720 Yeah, but I want to talk to you, Dad. Go on, then. 303 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:47,960 But... 304 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,280 Ugh, we'll do it tomorrow. OK. 305 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,200 All right, guys, this just says that you know 306 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,000 what you're doing and that I'm not liable for any sort of injury, 307 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,000 death or general disappointment. 308 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,920 Yeah. Um, sorry, just by death - what do you mean by death? 309 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,440 So even though Ruby's earning less here than she was in Chester, 310 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,400 she's got way more spending money. 311 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,680 She reckons we could go out all night for, like, £30. 312 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,640 OK. My question was, did you enjoy the diving, Amy? 313 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,720 Oh. Yeah. 314 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,760 Yeah, there were a lot of jellyfish. Oh, right. 315 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,000 Robin got a bit freaked out. 316 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,160 I did, actually, yeah. One of them had these massive testicles. 317 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,840 What? Tentacles. Could be. Yeah. 318 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,240 I mean, it's hard to know what's what with jelly, isn't it? 319 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,200 Should have gone aquarium with me and Sam. Yeah. 320 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,560 How'd you get on then, Paul? Have fun at your chamber, did you? 321 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,680 Well, it was a bit of a hefty hike getting there, yeah. 322 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:38,760 But, no, the hypogeum was absolutely scintillating, thanks, Cherry. 323 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,480 Oh? Yeah. Scintillating. 324 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,120 Where's, uh... 325 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,000 Where's Michael? 326 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,720 He had to have a massage, apparently. 327 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,720 And now he's out buying plums. Hmm, OK. 328 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,160 Yeah, I think he's just trying to avoid me. Yeah. 329 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,560 I'm not sure it's worth it, babe. What isn't? 330 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,080 Talking to him. Don't think it'll help. 331 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,840 Well, given I've spent the last two years training to be a counsellor, 332 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,960 clearly I think the talking to people does help. 333 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,640 Where's the Calpol, Chez? 334 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,400 I've got an absolute splitter. 335 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,200 You are not downing Calpol again, Robin. 336 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,040 It is for Atlas, not your hangovers. 337 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,800 OK, I'm going to get some fresh air, then. 338 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,240 I've got a bit of a headache too, actually. 339 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,480 Must be from absorbing so much history. 340 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,320 Whoa, Dad, what is that? Eh? 341 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,440 Ah! What are you doing? Ow! 342 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,720 Is it sunburn? What? 343 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,480 Oh, my gosh! Where? When? 344 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,040 AMY LAUGHS, CHERRY CACKLES 345 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,760 Oh, Dad! It's a perfect semicircle. 346 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,080 I thought it was all hat. It's where the hole is. 347 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,320 Oh, Rachel! 348 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,000 Well, don't blame me! Well, you told me to turn my hat round. 349 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,680 You didn't have to do it! You didn't even cream up the hat hole! Ugh! 350 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,200 Is he all right? 351 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,200 It's not funny, Amy! 352 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,640 OK. I mean, it is. 353 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,320 It is, actually, yeah. 354 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,040 I look like a sunset. 355 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,800 I should have bought a sombrero. 356 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,360 We'll get a sombrero. 357 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,000 ROBIN YELLS Oh, my God! 358 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,320 What? 359 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,600 Robin's fallen in the pool. 360 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,080 Classic. ALL LAUGH 361 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,480 Well, no, there's no water in it. 362 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,720 Oh! Oh! 363 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,120 Robin! Robin! Robin! 364 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,760 Oh, God, God! 365 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,720 Oh, my God! Robin! 366 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:14,920 Oh, Robin! 367 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,800 The bends? 368 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,720 You've got the bends? I have got the bends. 369 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,320 And I've got OK Computer. I've even got Pablo Honey. Ha! 370 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,880 What? It's a Radiohead joke. I have got the bends, yeah. 371 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,360 Well, you haven't lost your sense of humour, I see. 372 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,240 Trust you to get the bends, Robin, that is so typical of you. 373 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,400 I'm sorry, babe. 374 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,720 MICHAEL CHUCKLES 375 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,920 It's serious, Dad. 376 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,800 No, no, no, I'm still laughing at Porky's sunburn. 377 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,440 Oh, OK. Thank you, Michael. 378 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,640 It's actually your fault this has happened, you do realise? 379 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,760 What? I wasn't even there. 380 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,640 You made him skip the safety dive in the pool. 381 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,480 Well, he's a grown-up, I didn't make him do anything. 382 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,480 And you were into it, Mum. I wasn't "into it," Sam, 383 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,280 it's just... Er, yeah, you were. 384 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,560 Mr Hanky? Yo! Excuse me, can we talk privately for a moment? 385 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,600 Ooh, hello, Matron! Doctor. 386 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,800 Doctor, I'm so sorry. 387 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,760 PHONE BUZZES Your grandmother. 388 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,240 Hello, Mum. Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me? 389 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,840 Step into my office, Doctor. 390 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,800 Can you hear me? Can you hear me now? 391 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,480 Have you got Poirot on yet? 392 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,040 AMY GROANS 393 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,600 What is up with you? You ain't got the bends an' all, have you? 394 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,960 No, just hungover. Ah! 395 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,400 Myrsini kept buying me shots. 396 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,640 Myrsini? Who is this person? 397 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,240 One of Ruby's mates. 398 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,680 Oh, aye? Where'd you go? 399 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,600 Met at Badass Burger, then cocktails at Bar Q? Yeah. 400 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,280 And ended up in Sky Club. Ooh! It was wild. 401 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,240 I had no idea there were, like, young people here. 402 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:38,400 Oh, yeah, there's a fair few people your age here that... 403 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,840 You should move over here. What? What?! 404 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,960 What are you talking about? Move in with me, I've got room. 405 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,560 I've got plenty of room! Don't be nuts. Would that be all right? 406 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,200 No. Yeah, of course. That is complete madness. No. 407 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,080 Sorry, no. No, Amy, what about Bedford? Uh... 408 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,800 And your band? Yeah, the band's not going to work. 409 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,560 Well, no, not with half of it based in Malta, no. 410 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:02,200 And Carlo reckoned he could get me a job at, um, Embassy Cinema? 411 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,200 There you go. No, not "there you go," Dad, 412 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,760 we don't even know who this Carlo is, 413 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,640 so don't say things like that. Why not? 414 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,520 Because you can't forget to send her a birthday card every year 415 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,440 then suggest she moves in with you. That's what I've done. 416 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,880 And Amy doesn't care about cards, do you? No. There you go. 417 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,440 You're free to go in now. Thank you so much. 418 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,320 - Thank you.- ..just pick an episode and "OK." 419 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,080 OK? Can we discuss this when we're not in a hospital, please? 420 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,960 Figure it out, Mum! All right. 421 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,960 Well, what'd she say? What happens now? 422 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,800 OK, so, apparently I'm going to be moved to the hyperbaric chamber. 423 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,200 What? Isn't that where you went yesterday? 424 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,440 Oh, no, that's the hypogeum. It's a Neolithic burial chamber. 425 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,880 Right, OK. And this one's what? 426 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,240 Hyperbaric. A high-pressure oxygen chamber. Yep. 427 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,720 Right. So, you're spending your holiday in a chamber now an' all? 428 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,360 Looks like it, yep. Don't worry, babe, 429 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,320 you don't have to come with me, it'll be well boring. 430 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,440 Well, of course I'm coming. 431 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,840 I'm not leaving you here while you're riddled with the bends, am I? 432 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,280 I've got you. Aw. PHONE BUZZES 433 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,680 Hello, Mama. 434 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,840 You've got... You've got it on. Great. She's got it on, everyone! 435 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,120 OK, yeah. 436 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,600 Uh, Japanese? 437 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,040 Well, which remote did that? 438 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,720 So what are you going to do with Atlas if you're both at the chamber? 439 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,240 Oh, God. 440 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,760 Yeah, I forgot about that. 441 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,280 Well, I can take the lad. You? 442 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,800 Are you serious? 443 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,120 Yeah, why not? I'm good with children. Are you? 444 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,920 What children are you thinking of? 445 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,400 And it would be nice to spend some time with my grandson. 446 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,280 Your second grandson. There's also... Sam's also your grandson. 447 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,880 Yeah, I know, never said he wasn't. 448 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,120 We'll go for a walk, shall we, Atlas? Take you round Valetta? 449 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,720 Yeah, I've been asking to go for a walk with you 450 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,960 since I got here, so... So come with us. 451 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,400 For God's sake, Rachel, chill out, just for once in your life, eh? 452 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,920 Is it dubbed? 453 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,240 Is it DUBBED? 454 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,800 Surely David Suchet isn't actually speaking Japanese? 455 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,320 What's that fort over there, Grandad? 456 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,440 Don't know, don't care. 457 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,440 Ask your dad when he gets back from his temple or wherever he is. 458 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,480 Tunnels. He's gone down some old Crusader tunnels. 459 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,400 Oh, wow. He knows how to have a good time, don't he, eh? 460 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,680 At least he won't get burned. 461 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,320 Oh, I'm sure he'll find a way, the wally. 462 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,480 Please don't call my husband a wally, Dad. 463 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,480 Well, he called himself a wally 464 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,360 when he burnt that semicircle into his face. 465 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,560 AMY LAUGHS 466 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,040 Do you know where the cathedral is, Grandad? With the Caravaggios? 467 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,400 I know there's a good ice cream place around here somewhere, 468 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,640 that I do know. 469 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,160 But I'm not into that, I'm afraid, ancient history. 470 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,120 Yeah, so, Dad, there's some things I want to talk about, 471 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,320 about my... Mine and Robin's childhood. 472 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaking of ancient history. 473 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,720 No, I'm serious, Dad. 474 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,280 Given that I'm training to be a counsellor, you know, 475 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,360 this is something I want to talk about. 476 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,880 Yeah, and I want to get an ice cream, 477 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,200 so how about we do my idea, eh? 478 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,400 Yeah, I'd much prefer to get an ice cream as well, actually. 479 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,520 Why are you so resistant to this? 480 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,960 Well, it's a generational thing. People my age, you know, 481 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,160 we're just not into it. What? Talking? 482 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,720 About the past, yeah. 483 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,400 Do you know what happened to my dad during the war? 484 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,560 No. Exactly. Neither do I. 485 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,760 He never talked about it, he never wanted to. 486 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,200 Well, you see, that is... It's just not healthy. 487 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,120 Well, what would you know, eh? 488 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,600 He lived till he was 78 and he was a bloody good father. 489 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,760 As was I, by the way, as was I. 490 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,760 Are you telling me or are you telling yourself? 491 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,040 Oh, fashionable, middle-class crap is what it is. 492 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,000 Talking, talking, talking. Just get over yourself, yeah? 493 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,040 Ugh. 494 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,000 Oh, hey, Amy! 495 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,800 Oh, thank God. Hey, that was good timing. 496 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,480 Hey, Amy's family. Hello again, Ruby. 497 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,520 All right? 498 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:31,080 So, are you guys still having a nice holibobs? Sort of. 499 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,560 Mum's trying to work through some generic childhood trauma 500 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,840 and Robin's now got the bends. 501 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,880 OK. Glad you signed that waiver, then. 502 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:38,920 SHE CHUCKLES 503 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:42,760 Do you fancy joining? 504 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,280 A few of us are going to Badass Burger for lunch. Yes, please. 505 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:46,680 Anywhere but here is ideal. 506 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,520 Didn't you go there last night? I'll see you later, yeah? 507 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,240 Oh, well, OK. 508 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,960 Uh, don't stay out all night, Amy. 509 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,400 And she's not moving here. 510 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,040 Ruby? 511 00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,200 Cool! 512 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,400 Oh, Ruby, where's the cathedral with the Caravaggios? 513 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,440 Thanks. 514 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,560 I might, um... 515 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,440 Oh, OK. 516 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,640 Bit much. 517 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,360 No recording, please. 518 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,800 Thank you. OK, OK, I'm turning it off. 519 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:26,440 Oh, come off it. I mean, what? Disengaged? 520 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,880 What the hell does that mean? Of course I wasn't disengaged. 521 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,520 You didn't even notice when Robin was getting bullied at school. 522 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,280 He didn't tell me. I'm not a mind-reader, Rachel. 523 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,160 It just felt like you weren't paying attention to us. 524 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,680 Oh, you can bloody talk. Slagging me off. 525 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,240 You haven't even noticed how miserable your daughter is. 526 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,160 I... What? No. 527 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,960 Well, she's single again, she's unemployed, 528 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,760 she's scared shitless and you don't even see it. 529 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,560 I do, and she's fine. Nah. 530 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,480 So... Hi. 531 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,120 Hi, Sam. 532 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,360 How was it? Yeah. You know, churchy. 533 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,120 Are you guys still talking? Trying to, but... 534 00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,360 Right. 535 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,920 Uh, where's Atlas? 536 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:07,520 Where's Atlas? 537 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,640 Dad? Um, I thought you had him. You were pushing the pram. 538 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,360 Yeah, well, he'll be here, course he will be. 539 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,800 OK. Did you leave it somewhere? Um, well, I don't know. Oh, God! 540 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,680 Oh, God! It might be back there. Back where?! WHERE?! 541 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,440 Oh, God! Oh, God! No, it'll be fine, don't panic, Rachel. 542 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,520 Don't... Oh. 543 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,760 Ah, scuzzi, ah, scu... Scuzzetti... 544 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,600 Oh, excuse me. 545 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,120 Excuse me. Out of my way! Scuzzi. 546 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,800 Oh, come on, come on, come on! 547 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,960 Put the ice cream in the bin, Dad! Yeah. 548 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,800 Keep up, please! God, we've lost a baby. We've lost a baby! 549 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,680 No, we haven't, we can't have done. This way, come on. 550 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,480 Sam, call your dad. Yeah, yeah. 551 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,040 Oh, is this it? Is this it? 552 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,080 That's clearly their baby! 553 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,760 Oh, right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 554 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,040 I knew you'd do something like this. 555 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,480 Well, you were here, too, Rachel! You were here the whole bloody time. 556 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,760 Should we call the police? I mean, yes, at some point, 557 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,960 but we just need to find the baby! Yes, we do, of course we do! 558 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,080 Rach! Rach, it's me! Oh, God! Are you OK? 559 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,440 No, no! Paul's here. 560 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,560 I'm coming! 561 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,760 Nearly there. 562 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,760 Sam told me. Have you seen him? Have you found him? No, no... 563 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:06,920 OK, OK. 564 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,160 We need to retrace our steps, OK? Where have you been? 565 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,960 We went... We went to get coffee. 566 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,680 And then we went for an ice cream. 567 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,560 No, no, no. I didn't have the pram at the ice cream. 568 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,440 Well, where did you go for coffee? Uh, it was a van. 569 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,920 Um, it was... It had a sign on. Letters, capital letters. 570 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,360 A sign with capital letters on it. Yeah, that really narrows it down! 571 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,120 Well, you try thinking of something! Yeah?! I am, I'm trying! 572 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,600 It was sunny and it was near the sea. 573 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,000 It's a small island, Rachel, everything's near the sea! 574 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,640 And there was a door! A doorway behind, made of stone. 575 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,760 It looked...old. 576 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,400 And an eye. What, an eye? 577 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,920 Yeah, there was an eye above the door. 578 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,360 A stone one, I think. 579 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:47,280 I mean, now I say that, that doesn't sound... An eye, what kind of eye? 580 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,720 A sort of human eye. A big one. 581 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,760 Have you ever seen an eye like that round here? 582 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,840 No, course I haven't! Hang on, hang on! 583 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,040 What? You all right? 584 00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,880 Porta del Soccorso. 585 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,760 What? 586 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:07,120 The Knights of Malta built an eye above the Porta del Soccorso 587 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,600 as a sign of vigilance and protection. 588 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,200 RACHEL BLABBERS Fort St Elmo. This way! Oh! 589 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,160 I actually wanted to go there anyway. OK! 590 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,600 Quickly! 591 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,160 Come on, Dad. I am! 592 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,240 Down here, Rach! 593 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,080 Oh, God, are you sure? 594 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,160 Where? 595 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,200 There it is, there it is, the eye! 596 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,840 And the pram! 597 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,600 And the pram, the pram. 598 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:37,040 Oh, God! I will never complain about your interest in historical 599 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,040 tourist attractions again. 600 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,400 Ow, my burn, Rachel! Oh, God, sorry! 601 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,280 He's not here. 602 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,280 What? 603 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,600 Joke, I'm joking. 604 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,720 Ugh, really funny. 605 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,720 He's fast asleep. 606 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,640 He won't even have noticed. 607 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,960 Look. Aww! Oh. 608 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,160 Oh, God. 609 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,600 Well done, Paul. That was, uh, that was... 610 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,400 That was really good. Oh, thank you, Michael. 611 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,800 Yeah. Police are lucky to have you. 612 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,960 As is, you know, my, uh... 613 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,160 My daughter. Well done, son. 614 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,440 So, what is this place, Dad? 615 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,920 What IS it? 616 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,560 It's only the main theatre of combat 617 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,200 for the Great Siege of Malta in 1565! 618 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,080 Picture the scene, guys - 619 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,760 180 ships, 620 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,240 40,000 Ottoman soldiers, 621 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,440 the greatest army in the world. 622 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,200 OK. I know I wasn't the greatest father, Rachel. 623 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,200 I know that. 624 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,400 And I guess it's fair to say that I'm still not, after that. 625 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,800 And I can't change anything now. 626 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,200 But, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. 627 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,240 OK. 628 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,600 We're very similar, you and I. 629 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:52,680 You're my girl. 630 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:59,960 And, um, if there's anything you want, then, um... 631 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,040 ..I'll do it. 632 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,280 I just want us to communicate better, Dad, as a family. 633 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,360 You know, be more honest. 634 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,240 OK, deal. Yeah. OK. 635 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,640 We're not going to tell Robin and Cherry about 636 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,160 losing the baby, though, are we? God, no. Oh, good. 637 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,600 ..from whence they came. 638 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,720 Uh, Sam? Sorry, were you not even listening to me? 639 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,520 Uh, no. Oh, no. Sorry. 640 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,640 Say it again? 641 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,040 Do it again. Picture the scene... 642 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,600 Stop picking at it. It's itchy! 643 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,000 ..we went to Bar Q again, and then Sky Club again, 644 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:45,000 where Myrsini bought us all mai tais. Again. Again, yeah. 645 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,240 I mean, it was honestly like Groundhog Day, but not funny. 646 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,240 I think that's just life on a small island. Mm. 647 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,760 And I know things haven't been very good at home recently 648 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,920 but, you know, I'm here, if you're ever upset 649 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,560 or worried about anything. 650 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,720 I'm here. 651 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:04,760 And I love you. 652 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,560 Gross. OK. 653 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,240 But, you know, thanks. Mm. 654 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,360 I'm actually - and I can't believe I'm saying this - 655 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:17,160 quite looking forward to getting back to Bedford. 656 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,840 Hey-hey! He's back. The bends is on the mend! 657 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,040 Are you feeling better, Robin? Yeah, yeah. 658 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,080 You know, I'm just sad it's all over, to be honest. 659 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,240 The oxygen gave me this mad headrush. 660 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,560 It was like Burning Man but, you know, in a chamber. 661 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,600 Cool. Wow. And how's everything here? 662 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,680 Were you, like, all all right with Atlas? 663 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:35,760 Um... 664 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,280 Yeah, absolutely. He's great, more than all right. 665 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,720 Told you it would be. 666 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,520 Um, also, Dad, Cherry got you a little something when I was... 667 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:46,000 Oh, yeah, I did, yeah. ..in my old chamber. Oh-ho! 668 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,120 What's that? Aw, oh! 669 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,720 That's nice, innit? Oh, I love that! I love that. 670 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,680 Oh, look at that, Sean. Sam. 671 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,880 "Best grandad ever." 672 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,400 So, what is the plan today, Grandad Michael, before the flight? 673 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,840 Well, well, well, uh... 674 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,840 Well, you'd better ask Paul, he's the expert. 675 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,760 Oh, that's nice. OK. Huh?Go on, then, Dad. Go on, then, Paulo! 676 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,440 Oh, OK. 677 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,800 Uh, wow. OK. Um, well, 678 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,400 there's still 18 Neolithic temples I've not visited, 679 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,120 so we could, um... 680 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,160 Yeah? Or we could just go out and eat a swordfish?! 681 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,080 Yes! 682 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:23,640 Viva Malta by Freddie Portelli